okay pat passed out under dana's car
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
