Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
