Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
