You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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