Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
