My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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