NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
