Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Drunk is not a location!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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