There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
