I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
