Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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