On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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