Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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