So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
