I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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