dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
