garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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