So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
