If i come over, it means nothing
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
