I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
