who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
