We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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