i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
