I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
