Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Found your dick twin last night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
