all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Randomize
