absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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