i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
