The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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