i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm just crazy horny about you
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
