Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
4 words: hood of his car
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Randomize
