i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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