I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
we're so committed to being not committed
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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