im gay
i know
yea but for you.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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