Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
