there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
