I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
