Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
