I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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