I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
