someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
