my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
