So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
