she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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