nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
