he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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