I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
