I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
