Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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