What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
