More tranny stories later!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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