Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
