i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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