The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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